I woke up this morning feeling so tired as I have just carried a 1tonne of stones on my shoulder.
I have hard time breathing properly.
My mind is not peaceful.
I feel like want to end this life once and for all.
I cant find what Im fighting for.
My mother hate my choices of path in life.
My brother not being supporting and yet disturbing more.
My relatives not being able to even bother to care.
My friends walk different paths and Im not being able to catch up.
The one i call "dear" and "love" been making me mad and sad.
What's more to say in this life anymore?
I cant see the bright side.
I will always stuck here in the dark side.
I was never meant to be with you.
I will never meant to be with this world.
I hate my life.
I hate it so much till I just dont feel like even care.
Sunday, April 20, 2008
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Why is the EMo still ConqueriNg Me??!! >.<
Oh God i cant believe im sitting here with a blank mind!!! I have tonnes of ideas what to blog when i reach home but now my mind totally empty. All that is filled up in my poor small brain are just pity emotions which i can hardly control. Sigh...
Sometimes it's pretty scary when you suddenly remember how old you are and wow.. you havent even done anything successfully ... Maybe different people see different way on how you actually "success" already in life.
For some, they might found a better pay job in this year therefore they consider themselves already succesful for this particular year. For some, they might be having all the cash they could have but only lack of companion so they are looking for their other half and If they failed means they are not successful in this particular year.
My problem would mostly be the cash problem even though Im a girl why should i even bother about cash problems. As my brother from another parents said to me.. "why work so hard? as the money that all girls will get are from boys in the end" Somehow I just dont so agree with him as I feel freely spending my own money on my own stuff.. It's 100% mine!! hahahahaha.. no one has the right to take it away from me~~~~~~~~~
Im not born with a silver spoon so this is partly one of the reason why I feel better spending my own money. ^^''
Oh well... My face kinda not so good looking these few weeks so i might be changing my mind of going to the Pc fair this weekend too. T.T"
Sometimes it's pretty scary when you suddenly remember how old you are and wow.. you havent even done anything successfully ... Maybe different people see different way on how you actually "success" already in life.
For some, they might found a better pay job in this year therefore they consider themselves already succesful for this particular year. For some, they might be having all the cash they could have but only lack of companion so they are looking for their other half and If they failed means they are not successful in this particular year.
My problem would mostly be the cash problem even though Im a girl why should i even bother about cash problems. As my brother from another parents said to me.. "why work so hard? as the money that all girls will get are from boys in the end" Somehow I just dont so agree with him as I feel freely spending my own money on my own stuff.. It's 100% mine!! hahahahaha.. no one has the right to take it away from me~~~~~~~~~
Im not born with a silver spoon so this is partly one of the reason why I feel better spending my own money. ^^''
Oh well... My face kinda not so good looking these few weeks so i might be changing my mind of going to the Pc fair this weekend too. T.T"
Saturday, April 12, 2008
What Have I Miss?
This is a silly question to ask myself. I have missed a lot of things in life lately. Even my bloggy story has stop at chapter 2.2 as i have lost the senses to write any further as I know , the sad plot just too long. Even myself can barely stand the pain when typing it all out.
Like some people said, why wanna look back at sad moments? Why dont we create new and happy moments? Wouldnt that be fine?
People around me is leaving me 1 by 1... feel so super alone now.. finding new friends are just kinda hard for me lately. It's either my mind has been blocked by something or Just myself blocking it as im not quite sure either.
Gosh how i miss my ex life .... last 2 years was a very good life for me.. compare to me now.. burden getting lots more and loneliness seems to conquer quite well. =_="
HELPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP zzzzzzzzzz
Like some people said, why wanna look back at sad moments? Why dont we create new and happy moments? Wouldnt that be fine?
People around me is leaving me 1 by 1... feel so super alone now.. finding new friends are just kinda hard for me lately. It's either my mind has been blocked by something or Just myself blocking it as im not quite sure either.
Gosh how i miss my ex life .... last 2 years was a very good life for me.. compare to me now.. burden getting lots more and loneliness seems to conquer quite well. =_="
HELPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP zzzzzzzzzz
Sunday, March 30, 2008
When Sad Meets Happy Chapter 2.2
When Sad start to make no existence of Glad appearance, something that is going to make the school chaos will going to happen.
The once most popular boy in school has started to pay attention to Sad. This has made quite a number of question marks among the students there as I once said, Sad isnt a pretty nor rich students in school just a plain short hair girl with a little talent to help bring up the school name in some happening events around the small town.
The once popular boy which is call Cool, slowly catching up Sad eyes upon him. Sad started to get closer to him. He has some attitude which made Sad feels save when being with him even though just standing beside him and chat. Somehow this has created quite a numbers of jealousy cases in and about the school area. Sigh.
All these somehow also has successfully attract Sad away from her study which made her performance in exams drops terribly. Well of course some people will be very happy as their opponents in exams has drop =_=".
But Sad never feel regret about it at all as she feel happy with her so call monkey - love relationship with Cool. They both caring each other very much as well.
Peaceful mind is just a beginning...
The once most popular boy in school has started to pay attention to Sad. This has made quite a number of question marks among the students there as I once said, Sad isnt a pretty nor rich students in school just a plain short hair girl with a little talent to help bring up the school name in some happening events around the small town.
The once popular boy which is call Cool, slowly catching up Sad eyes upon him. Sad started to get closer to him. He has some attitude which made Sad feels save when being with him even though just standing beside him and chat. Somehow this has created quite a numbers of jealousy cases in and about the school area. Sigh.
All these somehow also has successfully attract Sad away from her study which made her performance in exams drops terribly. Well of course some people will be very happy as their opponents in exams has drop =_=".
But Sad never feel regret about it at all as she feel happy with her so call monkey - love relationship with Cool. They both caring each other very much as well.
Peaceful mind is just a beginning...
Sunday, March 23, 2008
When Sad Meets Happy 2.1
School challenges in exams and paperwork is very much stressful for Sad. But secondary school will not be so generous to only burden you with homeworks but also some complicated social life issues in and about the school area.
Even making friends, you have to be quick and grab the heart of the chosen one to be your friends which will be sitting together in the laboratory and having lunch together or taking bus together. =_=" how stressful is that. In class, we have different groups of people mixing together more like some tribe like in Africa. LOL
Genious will only mix with genious while the average happy go lucky type will have their own group. Sad mix with people who accept her as she is as she dont really make the 1st move to go and choose somebody to be her friends. She just wait who want to come to her and make friends. In the end, she has been the friend target from the type of students who has been abondoned by some other students due to some unexplainable reasons.
Sad has always wish to be some popular girl in school and yes.. she never fail to do that. Not like she is some sort of pretty girl in school but somehow she just manage to make herself positively popular. xD It's one thing that keep her spirit going to attend class in school and listen to wat the teacher is teaching.
During the 2nd year , there is a huge news that rock the school very terribly. There is a new boy coming to the school and he is totally the most handsome one of all. Well there is 1 that is the most handsome and popular male students but not anymore after this one came in. This guy has been transfered from Kuching to Miri follow his uncle. You should see his brother which is totally 1 handsome good looking dude but he went to different school which is the same school with Sad Brother. LOL
From here, Sad kinda feel "in love" with this new guy and she told herself she want the new guy to pay attention to her and noticed her existence and make friend with her. It's 1 year of struggle which finally she manage to get together with this guy. Sad wasnt the most beautiful girl in school but she has her trademark smile and her talent in some competition which shows out her colour around the school area and gaining her popularity. lol
This guy is call Glad. Glad phone Sad once every day . This is one thing that make Sad happy for some reason lol. The most handsome guy in school called her everyday.. and they just chat and chat almost anything from problems to happy news. BUt things turn sour when comes to the school year end big break holidays. Glad seems busy and called lesser and lesser to Sad. Sad not sure the reason why. Sometimes during Saturday, Sad will go to town where Glad help her uncle out in a candy shop to take a glimpse on him and talk to him for a while. Well, Glad was very happy to see her though. Somehow things do change a lot.
Come to the 3rd year of school, Sad was very disappointed with Glad because he will not automatically find her like previous time and sometimes he was like treating her transparent when she go to the candy shop to find him. =_=" So during the 1st day in school, Sad started not to bother Glad existence anymore. This has made quite a gossip among her classmates and other students from other class too. Everybody wonder what would had happened. From this time on, another tragic history will start to happen again.
Even making friends, you have to be quick and grab the heart of the chosen one to be your friends which will be sitting together in the laboratory and having lunch together or taking bus together. =_=" how stressful is that. In class, we have different groups of people mixing together more like some tribe like in Africa. LOL
Genious will only mix with genious while the average happy go lucky type will have their own group. Sad mix with people who accept her as she is as she dont really make the 1st move to go and choose somebody to be her friends. She just wait who want to come to her and make friends. In the end, she has been the friend target from the type of students who has been abondoned by some other students due to some unexplainable reasons.
Sad has always wish to be some popular girl in school and yes.. she never fail to do that. Not like she is some sort of pretty girl in school but somehow she just manage to make herself positively popular. xD It's one thing that keep her spirit going to attend class in school and listen to wat the teacher is teaching.
During the 2nd year , there is a huge news that rock the school very terribly. There is a new boy coming to the school and he is totally the most handsome one of all. Well there is 1 that is the most handsome and popular male students but not anymore after this one came in. This guy has been transfered from Kuching to Miri follow his uncle. You should see his brother which is totally 1 handsome good looking dude but he went to different school which is the same school with Sad Brother. LOL
From here, Sad kinda feel "in love" with this new guy and she told herself she want the new guy to pay attention to her and noticed her existence and make friend with her. It's 1 year of struggle which finally she manage to get together with this guy. Sad wasnt the most beautiful girl in school but she has her trademark smile and her talent in some competition which shows out her colour around the school area and gaining her popularity. lol
This guy is call Glad. Glad phone Sad once every day . This is one thing that make Sad happy for some reason lol. The most handsome guy in school called her everyday.. and they just chat and chat almost anything from problems to happy news. BUt things turn sour when comes to the school year end big break holidays. Glad seems busy and called lesser and lesser to Sad. Sad not sure the reason why. Sometimes during Saturday, Sad will go to town where Glad help her uncle out in a candy shop to take a glimpse on him and talk to him for a while. Well, Glad was very happy to see her though. Somehow things do change a lot.
Come to the 3rd year of school, Sad was very disappointed with Glad because he will not automatically find her like previous time and sometimes he was like treating her transparent when she go to the candy shop to find him. =_=" So during the 1st day in school, Sad started not to bother Glad existence anymore. This has made quite a gossip among her classmates and other students from other class too. Everybody wonder what would had happened. From this time on, another tragic history will start to happen again.
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