I woke up this morning before 8am by my mother. She told me she will be going out to get some groceries and some pork for tonight bbq at cousin's house. Im a bit lazy to follow as I was still sleepy and tired and my back pain due to bad posture when I sleep. My brother will be driving her to Morsjaya somehow plan changed from Morsjaya to old market at town so end up I have to really woke myself up and get ready to accompanied mum.
I saw mum wore the shirt I bought for her during my first time visit to KL which was 2 years ago. The 2nd time i visit KL was last year and this year economy was so bad and I just switch my job so will not be going anywhere. This remind me of the incident happened yesterday when I was going out with my bf =_=" he somehow forgot that his Gf actually did travel outside of Miri and not a kampung girl.. well sometimes the way he see people and judge people seems like an idiot and would pissed you off till you want to hit him hard till he scream OUCH!
It's either he forgot or somehow he just never have the heart to remember things about me. Well I just think that he has other things to bother which he should be awake by now as those things he has in his brain spinning wont be going anywhere as there are no actions taken and somemore it's all about Money. Time is what he need and a proper income which means he need to get a job. Well I dont have to worry him this as he knows what much more important to him to his life to his future. =)
Argh.. I shouldnt whine so much in cyber space about the misery between me and him LOL
Im a bit confuse whether I am walking through a better life now or just getting much more worse than ever..
I feel like i lose something i win something.. somehow what I lose wasnt the things I want to lose at all..
I seldom talk to my best buddy now.. been a month plus I didnt see her.. Most probably she is busy with works but somehow her position wasnt any manageress or something so..well.. fine if she said she has a lot of paperwork to do.. fine then..
But just now, heard from another male friend saying she sms him telling him she is at cameron highland... Well I know she went to KL she said attending course..somehow now I just feel like sometimes I miss out a lot of things about her and she is missing a lot of things about me too.
I know she dont know that Im attached with another boy right now. Seriously I feel like crying now when I type all this and flash back all those sweet memories I have together with her.
I know one day she will be tired listening to all my pathetic stories and always being emotional but somehow I still look good outside from my smile ..so maybe she thought I was just trying to get attention.. So all I can say here is.. NO ONE understands me but God. Or .. Im just making things so complicated that people just getting tired being pull around in a circle and not understanding what I want in life?
I need freedom and supports. That's all. It's not so easy to understand isnt it?
From freedom and supports, I can go further.. dream further and realising the dreams.. at least I get the chance to try rather than sit around and dreams.
Once again Im asking myself.. will I ever had a happy ending?
