It's the Past That i'm Not Dare to Face

I believe everyone has their own past story I have my own too. A lot.
I was checking my hotmail today as my brother asked me to help him apply a membership in local Pathlab to get cheap rate for any screening package. I want to login to my account but I forgot the passwords and username. So, I have no choice but to check back all the email notification sent by Pathlab to me in my hotmail.

Too bad, my hotmail too much junk mail and important mail mixed all together thousands of them starting from early year of 2007. I have no choice but to scroll a page by a page to look for the email I want. Through the scrolling.. I saw a lot of email from friends, even boyfriends lol I wanted to click them and read , but.. in the end I changed my mind.

Say Im coward , chicken or lizard or whatever , you just name it.. Im just dont want to read back those emails as it bring back the sweet memories which turn sour in the end. People say, take bad memory as guidance for us to walk right in future.. But, of course, depends on what bad memories or bad experience.

Thank you readers.. whoever you are especially =.= and mojojo.. ahahaha both of you debating of what I need is it? I did have the motivation book actually..but never work on me =P I rather eat pill and sleep probably make me better then reading the book. LOL cuz my mind messy and whatever I read, it just cant get into my brain. When my mind messy, I will find place to pour it out, when I fail to find a place to pour out.. I will end up bla bla whining and grinning in the blog.
I admit that this is a very pathetic blog.. I do hope one day I manage to delete this one and create a happy blog instead.. but now, just not the right time at all. Probably you will say..there is no such thing as right time or not, it's the matter of guts blablabla taking actions blablabla.

Strong character people would go on tell me these which is not going to work any much on me. Day pass by a day after another day.. I know one day I will be happier I need time to find what I need =D

Im A proBlemAtic Person SomeOne Kill Me please

I am a person not worth living on this pity earth
I hurt people that Loved me and I doesnt even feel wanted to care more
I dont know how to divide my love and care among them but put all in just 1 , which I think It's Normal till the day I realize, it's not normal at all.

I know what I want , and I know I wont get it no matter how , as that's how life is. So I tend to accept just what come near me Which In the end I fail to do what I have promise myself. It's just not hurting me, but the worse is, it hurt the person which doesnt even deserve all this sufferings.

I wanted to pay back what I did wrong but somehow, I dont think there is a Turning Back in Anything Anymore. Hate me, Kill Me, Do as You Like as I know, I did a lot of crime and sins to All of yOu.

I know there is no Point of confessing it all here as It wont do anything much but at least I let the people who reading this pity blog of mine that I Am Not A Good Person As I Look At.

Tease me
Curse Me
I dont even care anymore.

I have been selfish in a good and bad way, stubborn ass in a good and bad way too and I wanted to change but cant. I feel uncomfortable in changing and therefore , I maybe change back to the normal Me.
A Bad News for some people, but also good news for some people.

Stop Torturing Yourself Dear and Love Yourself.

I dont Bother Liao

Yes!!!!!!!!!!! I dont bother anymore right now. Been tired follow people's finger to live my life. Makes me feel like Im a Zombie. I know what I want, I know what doesnt suit me.. I want to be Happy. Do I asked a lot ?

Huh!! Crazy bunch of zombies I live in with. Time to break the fcking Tradition ***Hole!!

BreaKing ThrouGh?

How nice would it be when you say to yourself that you are breaking through, that you will break through the shadow which you claim has overshadowed you all this while keeping you from reaching something better and then you really is ABLE to break it through.

Today, a person came to ask me to change. Saying it is easy for somebody but when come to realising it, it's like carrying a thousand tonnes on your shoulder or finding a needle in the football field. Can you see how hard it is? I dont came from Good Life but I do hope I will one day live a Good Life.

Years pass by and all I can see and all I can cheer about is seeing people around me having good life and the saddest part is , Im not cheering my own life.
I learn to love myself, my life so that I am able to love others and respect their life.
I do hope I can someday get a good change in my life. Im really tired always whining , people around me will get tired to hear as well.

My Dearest Phillip is Back.!

On the night of 9th October 2008, while I was having my nice lovely dinner, suddenly a loud POP sound came from my computer CPU and the electricity in my whole house died.
My computer, named Phillip, DIED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Arghhhhhhhhhh for few days I live in misery, my mind been thinking about it. I wonder what cause the damage.. a lot a lot of questions pop out in my mind. I am so sad that I sms everyone which Im close or quite close about it. It's like you have lost a best friend as Phillip, is one of my sources of Joy. the one and Only!

Luckily God answered my prayer and He sent down a Saviour yesterday to revive Phillip and Now............ Phillip is back to normal. =D I am so so so happy that I smile to sleep and woke up in a smile today too.. as I know, I can once again sit here talk crap after my dinner. =P

How can I Live without you, Phillip.